Having taken great pains to live a life of acceptable practicality, I have come to the realization that to be practical is nothing more than an attempt to be safe. The failures of my life will track me down where ever I choose to hide and my life will be a failure as long as I continue trying to force myself into the narrow box of respectability. Respectability has no name and no face. There is a sameness to all that is respectable that I now find unseemly. I wish I could say that were I to do it all again I would live my life differently up to this point. The truth is I only know what I know from living what I’ve lived. This is true for us all, I suppose. My life experience has taught me that whatever it is I thought would make things easier and better, like a stable job at a major company, has served only to separate me from whomever it is I was meant to be. Drawing me further and further away until I did not recognize my own shadow. Every so often I found myself thinking I should have done one thing or other twenty years ago. Now, having made the honest attempt, I find myself excited by the possibility of an unplanned future that cannot disappoint any more than my planned past has. It hasn’t been the worst of times but all I have to look back on is a life lived safely inside the margins. Thankfully, I am not the only one in this predicament and I suspect my recent shift toward engaging only in that which interests me outside the box has been a shock to those who know me. They’ll have to get over it…or not. Either way, their comfort level with my choice is no longer any concern of mine.